Category Archives: Uncategorized

Dear Anna, It’s Good to be a Nobody

I met a man named Kerry on Saturday.  Kerry is the new guy who is going to be taking over my room in my house families place when I move out. He stopped by to take a look at everything while they weren’t home so I showed him around and we got to talking. He is a sad man, Anna.  He has marital troubles, you see. He’s made some mistakes but he’s trying real hard to get better. His wife is sick and that’s been tough, but he wants to make her happy. Per her request he has lost 15 pounds! He’s in counseling. He’s making more money (his wife is all about money). I think he would have talked longer but his friend called him and said he had a stroke so he had to go check on him.

One good thing about Kerry is that he is very short so he will fit so nicely in that tiny bed in the room. So hopefully that will be the first of many good things to come into his life.

There is another man I met named Paul. He is the gate attendant at the apartment complex where I teach swim lessons. He says swim lessons are very important for kids because if a kid does not know how to swim they will be pushed into the pool and everyone will laugh at them while they flounder around.  That happened to him once. He told his fosters parents about it and they said,“Too bad you didn’t drown”. He still seems upset about it.  I don’t blame him one bit, I would still be upset about that too.

Life is hard thing. I’m glad strangers are so easy to talk to or else life would be a lot harder on a whole lot of people. It’s good to be able to spill your guts to a nobody and feel completely safe.  I like being somebody’s nobody sometimes.

I miss you. I love you. Come back and I will buy you a breakfast burrito and a big coke.

It’s not a bribe, it’s my love language.

Yours Always,

Bridget

Dear Bridget, All the Cities Are Different; So Are All the Lives.

Dear Bridget,

This is your city from the air:

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This is my city, but from my point of view, and not from everyone else’s:

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And this is the biggest city, all lights, only at night:

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So you see, they’re all different. All the people in all the places all have their own normal. Everyone thinks that their normal is the best, probably. Kind of like everyone loves their own bed the best. Just because it’s their own. But it’s nice to sleep in a hotel bed sometimes, too.

You drove to Chicago once, just like Sufjan says. I have a lot to say lately, but can’t say a lot of what I have to say. I know that you know how that feels. Did you like cherry life-savers as a child? I think probably everyone did. Once I got a set of all different types of rolls of lifesavers for Christmas. I was allergic to red dye number 40, so my mom gave away the roll of exclusively cherry lifesavers to a man at her work whose name was Sparky. His real name was Michael, and his wife’s name was Dawn. I was sad, because I knew what the cherry lifesavers tasted like (i.e. heaven), but I wasn’t allowed to have them, because they made me hurl red barf everywhere. I’m not allergic to red dye number 40 anymore. I outgrew it, I guess, just like you outgrow a lot of things that used to define who you are. If you know what I mean.

Sorry I missed your call last night. I had low battery.

You’re my favorite person who lives in San Francisco.

This picture reminds us of who we are, as people.

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I love you more than I love grapefruit leinenkeugels,

Anna

Dear Anna, Coffee Makers Don’t Intimidate Me

I told you the other day while you were out visiting that I started writing you a letter but hadn’t finished it. This is that letter.  While looking at this one, I also found some other half finished letters I thought you might like me to send, so here goes…

Did I ever tell you I make the coffee at work most days?  I don’t mind because I like the coffee best when I make it myself. Today I heard a woman say coffee makers intimidate her. It made me sad because I have felt the same way before. But now I don’t.

I’ve been watching movies. Some films, but a lot that are just movies. You know most times when you watch a movie you see yourself, or parts of yourself,  in the characters.  That’s half the fun of watching a movie. Lately though, I see you in the characters instead.  Which, to be honest,  is equally as enjoyable to me.

Today Moses and I ate breakfast on your floor while you were at work. We had a competition about who liked fish best, he won of course.

It could be my conservative Christian home school upbringing,  but when the power goes out my first thought is, “This must be the end of days”.

Thanks for never minding my half finished thoughts. And for teaching me to just send them all even if they aren’t perfect yet.

I love you more than I love following the rules.

Love Always,

Your Bridget

P.S
Remember when we died?

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If I die young bury me in a white cotton button down

Dear Bridget, Do You Know What It Feels Like to Explode?

Hello Bridget,

It’s almost your birthday. I have been thinking of your birthday ever since I first heard this song months ago. It’s a sad song, and you aren’t a sad person, but it is a beautiful song, and you are a beautiful person. It’s almost your birthday, you know.

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Don’t you want someone to have said this of you many, many years from now?

Summer is a wild time. People are doing things they don’t ever do, I think. Nobody wears clothes, and everyone sweats all the time, but no one really cares. Our lives get shaken up like a snowglobe and we all just run around waiting for the sparkles to settle.

I rearranged my room again, speaking of snowglobes. I had to move my bed. I think I’ve exhausted my options of places to move my bed with ease. Next time I move my bed to a new place it’ll mean that I’ll need a friend who can also help me move my dresser, because I’ve pretty much put my bed on all of the other walls, except for the wall with my hella heavy dresser. Sometimes when things feel stuck or all moving around or everything all together, you just have to move your bed around to feel like you have control of the change that’s happening in your life. Maybe everyone doesn’t feel that way. But apparently I do.

A week from now I’ll be sleeping in your bed and eating bread pudding with you and your roommate family and playing monopoly with you on the floor with our buddies in California. It’ll be a grand time and I’m holding my breath until it happens.

See you soon, amigo.

I love you more than you hate vegan mexican food (and GRACIAS MADRE for that).

Yours,

anna

I’m already tired thinking about the flight though.

Dear Anna, Everything is Going to Be OK

Here is how I know this;….OkI don’t actually know, but I really really believe everything is going to be ok for us. Life is just hard sometimes,  but not all the time.  Laying in my bed, in my new room, I can hear my host mom laughing with her real daughter. I kind of wonder what they are laughing about,  but mostly I just enjoy listening to the sound of it. The mom loves the daughter . They are happy.  Something is right in the world.  So I can sleep.  As long as they are ok today, I know there is hope for me tomorrow.

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This gliding man is also comforting I think

I’m glad you go on lots of walks. I hope sometimes you steal some carrot tops from the community garden by your house, just so you have plenty of energy for all of your walking.

Just so you know, you are invited to live with me for almost half a month starting 2 weeks from now, and I’m really really excited about it.
So much Mexican food awaits us. And we will make pie everyday.

I love you more than I love buying toiletries.

Your Bridge

Dear Bridget, I’m in a river that flows off of a cliff and I’m just holding on to the branch of a tree on the banks

Dear Bridget,
I’ve been taking a lot of walks lately. I took a walk with my friend who matches a stop sign:

  
I took a walk where I ended up sitting on a road that isn’t actually a road and looking at this in love couple sitting under a tree with their obedient dog at sunset like a painting:

  
And then as a continuation of my sunset walk-and-sit, it rained, so we ran, and then I ended up laying in the middle of the road that actually is a road like a steamy smudge. 

  
I feel empty, full, I feel kind of like a piece of paper or a sponge, and I just ate a carrot that tasted like a cigarette. 

Please eat a piece of pie in my honor soon because my life is crumbling like a cookie and I need to know that there are people still enjoying rhubarb and flaky crust in the world. I’m thinking if we ever open a diner we can serve a turkey sandwich with strawberry rhubarb jam and we can call it the “turkey Barbara” after your mom and on account of the “barb” part in rhubarb. 

I guess everyone feels like they live in a washing machine at this time of year. Spinning and tossing and swirling. 

A lady said to me today that you can wash leeks in the dishwasher rather than hand-washing them. She said it so matter-of-factly but I told her it doesn’t make any sense and that it would take way too long. She said that truth be told, she doesn’t own a dishwasher so she doesn’t really know, but it seems about right. I also doubt that she’s ever eaten a leek. 

Spend some extra time in the California sand for me when you get a chance. I’d appreciate it. 

Love always, 

Anna

Dear Anna, I’m Driving

Reading your letter made me very sad to be leaving you again.  I loved being in Georgia this year more than I loved most of my others, which makes leaving it much more of a feat than the last time. It was special to live in the city with you, even if we never really bothered going out in it together. We are small town girls at heart anyhow. Now back to the west I must go!  Don’t worry, I am avoiding New Mexico all together. 
Soon I will be in the Bay again.  I will miss you and your porch, the way you are both attached to your yellow house. I will miss this road I walked down at about 11 once a week. 

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On the street where you live

I will miss pulling my favorite pjs out of your third drawer down on the left. I will miss everything.
Turn. Turn. Turn. Turn.
I am engaged to an engineer, you know. I was sitting next to him tonight. I closed my eyes for a second and all I could see was a beautiful blue sky with those perfect clouds, the ones that are somehow puffy and flat all at once. I leaned in close to my engineer and whispered, “You are the sky”. Engineers don’t always understand what you mean when you tell them they are the sky, but I hope mine did. It’s vital that he knows.

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Kansas forever

I’m on the open road with him now. I’m happy, but a little sad because, you know. Leavin it all.
But at least this time I will be taking the sky with me. 
Come see me in July, ok? I have a bigger bed now, but we can just both sleep on the air mattress for old times sake.

I love you more than I love trying on all the lingerie.

Your Bridget

Dear Bridget, Some Squirrels Are Brave and Some Squirrels Are Not

Hello Bridget

Tonight we are having a lingerie shower for you at my house. Hopefully we’ll be drinking some lavender flavored adult beverages and talking about things that we can plant in our garden while eating hearty snacks for dinner. We also may have italian wedding cake martinis because we are true women. I’m not sure who came up with the idea of lingerie showers as a thing that people should do, but I’m not mad about it. To me, every wedding shower is a lingerie shower. Sorry that I haven’t bought you any kitchen utensils or bathroom towels yet.

(DISCLAIMER: We had that party last night. I wrote that yesterday. And those martinis were weird but awesome.)

I’ve noticed that the squirrels in some towns don’t run away when you get near them. I find this disconcerting. They’re practically tame, and I don’t know what to do about that. Don’t make eye contact with me, squirrel. The squirrels in my yard growing up wouldn’t allow a human presence within a 20 foot radius of themselves, but in this town the squirrels are all “you do you with your tennis shoes and stuff, I’ll be here in the middle of the sidewalk if you don’t mind… there are some acorns in the cracks of the pavement”. I don’t know what it all means.

I found some chickens in a lot down the street. And my neighbor told me that he found a rattlesnake in his fish pond. There’s some wilderness here, even if the squirrels have lost their damn minds.

I guess summer just started. You came back here when summer ended last year and now you’re leaving again when summer starts. Somewhere someone’s playing some old old jazz music on their back porch in my neighborhood and you just left my porch for the last time for good. It won’t be the same without you slumber partying once a week, but all things go.

I think I feel like this song right now.

I hope this summer is one for the books.

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Dont get a ticket in New Mexico on your drive back west. We’ll laugh on the floor again on your birthday.

I love you.

Your Anna

Dear Anna, I’ve Been Wondering

I really do get you. I have not been all the way well these past few weeks either.  I’ve been quite unhappy actually, not just because of sickeness. I told you how my friend’s little girls died last Tuesday? I just haven’t felt the same since it happened.  It’s made me wonder about a lot of things.  Things I’ve never had to wonder about before, you know?
I’ve been wondering what my life was like before I was born. If my soul somehow existed before it was in my body. I know a lot of people wonder when human life begins, but i’m curious about when the soul comes alive.  I wonder if before I was on earth I got to know God at least a little bit. I wonder if I loved him.  I have this idea in my head, this idea that maybe I chose for my life to be this way. Maybe I chose to have a life that includes suffering, sadness, death, poverty, and pain.  Maybe my young soul was so in love with this God she knew, she was willing to subject herself to hardship, to endure much pain for the sake of honoring the one she so deeply loved.  My soul, she must have know that at the end of life, after the hard parts were over, things would make sense.  Maybe she understood that the suffering would be worth the good that comes at the end of human life.
My soul now still knows God, maybe not as well she used to, but enough to know that if she could go back in time, back before I was born,  she would have chosen the same life.  She would choose a life of endurance for the sake of love. That’s what keeping me moving right now. My soul, who is older and wiser than I, deep down knows her God is worth living for.

Anyway. One day I will be less melodramatic.  Thanks for tolerating me sometimes and for loving me always.

Yours,

Bridget

Dear Bridget, This Weekend It Rained Me to the Couch

Dear Bridget,

When I say it rained me to the couch, I mean it rained so much that I had to stay on the couch all weekend, which is uncharacteristic of me. The rain just rained me right down, and I liked it. In my defense, I was sickly. Still am. Just the kind of sick where you really feel quite unwell, but not unwell enough to not live your life. Which is the worst sometimes, because you still have to go to work and do your obligations, but you feel just on the cusp of sick enough to make yourself slightly unhappy that you’re doing anything but being on the couch. Do you get me?

Here are some scenes from my couch and my inside days:

I spent a lot of time pulling out the weeds last week, but alas my yard shall always be a jungle.

I spent a lot of time pulling out the weeds last week, but alas my yard shall always be a jungle.

Luckily I know a guy... Swimming in a sea of dishwashers. I gave him a coffee. He said thank you. I said thank you for installing my dishwasher, which is a much bigger favor.

Luckily I know a guy… Swimming in a sea of dishwashers. I gave him a coffee. He said thank you. I said thank you for installing my dishwasher, which is a much bigger favor.

My cat is so photogenic, he looks straight at the camera like the adorable fiend that he is.

My cat is so photogenic, he looks straight at the camera like the adorable fiend that he is.

I'd never leave this place if I didn't have to. I'm in it right now, if we're being honest, WHICH WE ARE.

I’d never leave this place if I didn’t have to. I’m in it right now, if we’re being honest, WHICH WE ARE.

I love you more than I love Bruce Springsteen,

Anna